So God Created the Fart

In the beginning was the Word

The word was with God and was God

He created all and loved all

And would become the saving rod.

He made man in His own image

And created woman from Adam’s rib

All was well and calm in the garden

But still God appeared to be glib.

Though work was done on day six

Man appeared too stiff in his heart

So God, with his almighty power

Touched Adam’s tummy, and created the fart.

adam-and-eve

The first toot was heard all about

After Adam ate from a certain sprout

He spun around at the sound

Only to smell a horrific smell all around.

This same thing happened again

Only hours later when Adam was asleep

Only this time it came from the sleeping Eve

And it woke up all of the sheep.

No one had uttered yet a laugh

But in Heaven God could only start

His laughter like a child’s

Because only a child could invent the fart.

On a particular bright day in Heaven

Lucifer came to our Lord to ask

“God, why do you love such smelly creatures?”

The Lord replied, “Pull my finger,” and handed him a mask.

On the first day of the next week

Eve was picking fruit

When a loud noise rumbled through her

Only seconds later she smelled poop.

Adam heard the fart from the house

And called to Eve from his toes

“I heard that!” He laughed out loud

As Eve plugged her nose.

God’s creation had found laughter

While our Lord in heaven looked down with joy

Little did He know the sons of Adam

Would use the fart as their favorite toy!

I don’t care how old you are or how “mature” you think you are, the toot is a hoot! God love you!

NO MORE EXCUSES. Do you know who Kermit Gosnell is?

 

I am having everyone I know watch the following short documentary. I recommend, if you haven’t yet seen it, to watch this video and share it with everyone you know, in every media or social outlet of which you participate. The true face of abortion in America is showing, and the media is trying everything it can to ignore this story so you don’t change your opinion on this genocide made in America. Show your support to our friends also by visiting 3801Lancaster.com.

We can end abortion, but not by being silent.

One of the biggest lies of modern Christianity is that there was a “Reformation”

381498_588686544489117_1685496242_nOne of the biggest lies of modern Christianity is that there was a “Reformation” when in fact there was only a revolt against the true Church Jesus established on earth, the Holy Roman Catholic Church.

Men sought to replace sacraments with sacrileges, the crucified Christ with an empty cross, humble priests with charismatic heretics, and the real presence of our Lord with a custom pseudo-Jesus that cozily fits into every type of sinful lifestyle.

Before becoming Catholic, I one night had a terrifying nightmare. In a large black space stood erect before me hundreds of empty crosses, and our Lord asked me “Which Jesus will you worship?” That nightmare pierced my evangelical baptist soul. I wasn’t looking for conversion; I was happy where I was in my faith. I was even looking into doctoral programs in theology at the time. One dream, one insight was all it took to make me understand that there is only one Lord, and one Church.

Jesus made a Church with structure and earthly leadership because He, as God, knows that those who do live what they believe will end up believing what they live!

Other than the Catholic Church, every other Christian denomination in the world has a human founder. The Founder of the Catholic Faith was none other than our Lord, Jesus Christ.

If you are not Catholic, I challenge you to do only one thing: Find the real Jesus; not the one you hope exists (because he is either for gay marriage, abortion, or is okay with your hatred or bigotry, or personal interpretation of the Bible), but the real Jesus who you cannot form or mold, who doesn’t fit perfectly into the North Eastern Reformed Baptist Church, or the South Western Fundamentalist Church, or the Nazarene Navalites of San Diego, etc.

God can do all things, but He cannot contradict Himself. There are only contradictions of our Lord outside of the Catholic Church.

Does this Catholic tradition sound familiar?

 

Now concerning the Thanksgiving (Eucharist), thus give thanks. First, concerning the cup: We thank you, our Father, for the holy vine of David Your servant, which You made known to us through Jesus Your Servant; to You be the glory for ever. And concerning the broken bread: We thank You, our Father, for the life and knowledge which You made known to us through Jesus Your Servant; to You be the glory for ever. … for Yours is the glory and the power through Jesus Christ for ever. – Didache A.D. 40-60

We hear a similar prayer ever week at Mass before receiving Eucharist. It’s comforting knowing that Tradition and truth survive all ages. As our Blessed Lord cannot change or mutate, neither can His Church or His truth. Seeing such similarities between the Church today and the Church 2,000 years ago cannot be surprising, because God is the same today as he was then. And, He will be the same eternities to come!

Amen?